Why I'm so grateful for having kids with food allergies

 

It did take me about 4 years to realise it. But having kids with food allergies is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

They say every person that comes into your life does so for a reason. My boys have taught me more in these 5 short years than I learned in my entire life time. They have taught me love and dedication like I never thought possible. They have taught me compassion and empathy.

They have taught me gratitude and mindfulness. They have shown me I am a powerful force to be reckoned with, fierce with strength, courage, determination and passion. They have taught me patience and persistence. I thought I had it all figured out, but they have changed me in ways I never imagined. They have taught me that perfection is just a word, not something to strive for. That there is beauty, peace and love in every day, and it is our job to find this, be it within our environment, or ourselves. I have learned that the universe doesn't owe us anything and being happy is our responsibility.

I spent a long time after the birth of Ashton, trying to find myself again, I searched in all sorts of places and I realised later that I would never find what I was looking for. Having a child changes you, but having a child with extra challenges also changes you.

I had this beautiful premonition as I set up the baby’s room, 8 months pregnant, of what life will look like. I would will feed the baby calmly and quietly to sleep in the rocking chair. I would go for picturesque sunset walks along the beach with the baby and the dog. Life will be hard and I will be tired but being a parent will be so rewarding. Fast forward two months, I am taking the baby for a walk but it's 9am and he has been screaming for 6 hours straight, he has done nothing but scream for the last week. He is covered in rashes and vomits up all his feeds. I'm pretty sure the dog hasn’t been fed in two days and i’m not sure when I last had a shower. I'm very seriously considering which house to drop the baby off at (like actually, this was a legit plan, my mum had to come and rescue him!) I haven't slept in 10 days. Unfortunately it didn’t get much better for about 6 months! At which point the doctors said that I was only partially crazy, and Ashton actually had food allergies. Parenting was not rewarding. I was all “why me, why us, why him”, “what did we do to deserve this?” Everything was always about poor Ashton and how he couldn't have this or that. There was a lot of moping around about how we missed out on the first year of his life because I couldn't get a doctor to diagnose his allergies sooner. He was on all sorts of medications for reflux and stomach issues and it was all quite a sad state of affairs.

The days were long but the years were short, the fog of depression lifted and as I slowly gained more knowledge I began to realise that we were not helpless onlookers to some video game. We had the controls, and we could control the present and the future. We could control our actions, but most importantly our thoughts and feelings. This is what was missing, I fought for Ashton from the day he was born, everyday I was doing things to try and better our situation. But I wasn’t happy about the hand we had been dealt.

When Felix was born we were dealt a similar hand, but a change in thinking can really change your life. Felix also did nothing but scream for the first 8 weeks of his life, I got 4 blocks of 45 minute sleep a night - by the time I had pumped breastmilk for him, cleaned the equipment, breastfed and bottle fed him, then got him back to sleep. I’d then get up and look after 2 kids for the day. Tired and weary I would say things like ‘it won’t always be like this’  and ‘at least he doesn’t vomit all the time’, ‘he’s so cute when he sleeps’, ‘ these days will pass quickly’, and ‘how lucky are we to have two boys’. I never wanted to put him back and I certainly could not fathom dropping him off on someone's doorstep! This kid has taught me resilience like no other. I could have given up the feeding routine, we could have put him on a bunch of medication, we could have loathed the countless hours we spent walking his screaming body up and down the dark hallway. While I wouldn't volunteer to go back to that time (or for round 3!), i’m glad that it happened to us. It has made me appreciate every minute that a baby is asleep and without pain, every second that our children spend happy and content and every day that they are alive and well, because sadly, some people are not so lucky.

Having kids with food allergies has taught me empathy and compassion. During the 10 months I breastfed Felix, 9 of those months I lived off 10 foods (sometimes less and that was counting salt and pepper!) It taught me empathy for these kids of ours who can’t have a piece of birthday cake, who sit and watch their classmates eat christmas chocolates, or watch everyone eat cheese and crackers at the family lunch. That was me, for nearly a year I got to be that kid. And at times it sucked. There is no feeling quite like it. Knowing this, I make sure the boys don’t miss out on anything. They always have homemade safe versions of most things, and I usually one up them by making it healthier. It has given me the opportunity to explain to them, that though they can’t have what everyone else has got, they don’t want it, because for the most part it’s full of processed ingredients that are going to make them feel like crap. It has given me the understanding and self control to model the behavior by avoiding the foods alongside them. I also took on the mindset of, instead of us missing out, everyone else was really missing out on the opportunity to put real, nourishing food into their bodies. Today I appreciate food more than ever, I don’t want the cake and that’s my choice. What I've learned from having such a limited diet has changed all our eating habits for the better and made me realise what it feels like to be truly healthy, happy and energized, and I am so grateful for that!

This experience has taught me that there are some truly wonderful, kind and just generally kickass-amazing human beings out there. Some of these people were complete strangers and they have given me advice and knowledge that has changed the course of our life. Some helped us see specialists for Felix and one lady gave me personal advice on how to pursue a total elimination diet, which was the start to us ending Felix’s pain and suffering. From that, we have never looked back. I am so glad I have met some of these people and experienced how kind and caring our human race can really be. I endeavor to pay this forward whenever I can, to be that kind human being that reached out to help another fellow mum in need.

When I am up late preparing safe snacks for the boys to take to a birthday party, I am grateful. I am grateful they are not filling their bodies with junk. I am grateful they are learning about what they can and can’t eat and how to manage their allergies responsibly. I am grateful that I love to cook and can use this opportunity to do so. I am grateful that we are aware of how different foods can affect our bodies and can make healthy choices based on this. I am grateful we are not filling our bodies with chemicals, fake foods, colours or preservatives.

When I open the fridge to get ‘starving Felix’ a snack and there is nothing right there, he can eat, I am grateful. I am grateful that the kid who was once fed through a tube down his nose is asking for food. I am grateful that I can find any fruit or vegetable and prepare this for him to eat, 5 months ago he could only eat 4 foods. I’m so grateful for that. I am grateful that though I often have to spend time preparing him something, rather than grab it off a shelf, I am teaching him patience, as he watches me find something and helps me cook it. Don’t be fooled there is often squealing involved and it ends in pots and pans pulled out all over the kitchen floor! But that’s ok because he has also taught me that perfect isn’t having organised cupboards or clean floors. Perfect is that moment right now, because life is happening and we are all OK.

I have learned that we all have problems and challenges. Sitting next to my child, limp and lethargic in the emergency room after he has vomited until he is passed out because of something he ate, is not much fun. But neither is sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, waiting to have your child's 5th ear infection that month, diagnosed. Neither is dealing with major scream-cry-and-throw-shit temper tantrums all day. Nor is getting up every.single.hour overnight to an unsettled baby. I am no more super than the rest of you. You can have your unsettled baby and your ear infections, and i’ll have my children with food allergies, because that’s what I do best.

So last year I found something, I discovered this resourceful, passionate, driven, strong, truly blessed woman. She wasn’t quite what I had been looking for, she was better. I have food allergies to thank for that. The experience has helped shape me into the person I am today and this, I am so grateful for.